Saying Goodbye to our girl

It has taken me a while to write all this out, mainly because it was the most difficult day of my life. I have cried just writing this post, because re-living the goodbye is so very painful.
No matter how prepared you may be, leaving your child behind in another country is gut-wrenching. We have fallen in love with our daughter, she belongs in our arms. 
Nothing but red-tape stands in the way of bringing E home. I cling to the hope that she will be in our arms again very soon.


I woke up with dread. I knew this day would be so very difficult. I decided to put it in the back of my mind and enjoy the time I had left with E.



 When we arrived to HH, E was grumpy for the first hour or so (as usual!) Her special mother did an excellent job getting E to play with us. I am forever grateful for these women who have loved my daughter. I can never thank them enough for all they have done to prepare her, and nurture her for the love of a family.

E warmed up to us in no time, and by the end of the day her first words were "Dada."

I am not at all jealous. Yes I am. No I'm not.

We played lots of peekaboo and E rode around on Nate's shoulders.

As our time at HH came to an end that same sense of dread came over me. I handed over the picture book I made for E's birth-family. The staff was very interested in it, and I even saw one crying as she turned the pages of pictures and read what I had written.

Those words to E's family were from the bottom of my heart. Even across cultures love and loss is understood.

That is about the time my tears started too.

I did my best to hold it under control, but it was all over when Nate starting the waterworks, also.

We played with E the best we could for those last few moments. And then we heard it was time to say goodbye.

E was in such a great mood, so we decided to have her special mother come get her. We wanted her to leave on a positive note with us. As soon as her special mother saw our faces, she too teared up.

Before long, we had a mini-crowd watching us. I saw a few special mothers crying as we mumbled through our "Chao's," forced smiles, and kisses to E. Our little girl smacked a big kiss on the lips to each of us, it was really endearing.

We loaded up in the van, and headed back to the hotel. As we got out our driver said,

"I will really miss you guys." That didn't help our tears!

Nate and I headed upstairs and pretty much lost it. I have never felt so sad before. I have never seen my husband so sad before. 

After we had some time to cry, we were able to spend the evening enjoying dinner with a couple of the other traveling families. It is so nice to have the understanding and journey with people who know exactly what you are going through.

 

Later that night, we boarded our plane and made the long trek back to our home.

The only thing missing is a piece of our hearts in Ethiopia.