It has taken me a few days to share the details of our travel home, for good reason.
It was horrible.
Mind you, we had an overall great week at the hotel with our little Elsa. She was getting used to us, her new surroundings, and the hotel staff. Then we changed it all up and hopped on a few planes and traveled for over 30 hours. Let's just say she didn't like that so much.
There was screaming, wailing, biting, hitting, kicking, and spitting. Yes, I said spitting. Lots and lots of spitting.....
At one point, as we boarded the plane in Frankfurt I started to just cry right along with her. It was a combination of exhaustion, and frustration with doing everything I could to try and settle her down. My agony was only compounded by the comments passengers would make to us about hoping they don't have to sit next to the "screaming baby," and me just feeling really sorry for her because she was so scared, confused, and grieving.
I liken the experience to labor, and just wanting it to be done and over with. Although this labor was far more difficult than the one I had giving birth to Oliver!
I do have one kinda funny story to share. On the flight from Denver to Portland (a mere 2.5 hours which was no big deal to us after our 29 hours logged in travel already), Elsa started to scream as I buckled her into the seat for take off.
The elderly man in front of us started spazzing out in his chair. I seriously thought he was having a seizure at first. Then he kept screaming, "I'm disabled, I'm disabled, get that baby off this plane right now! I insist, I'm disabled!"
The flight staff kept telling him that we were doing everything we could to settle our child down, but that he just needed to put his headphones on and relax. Then, another older gentlemen next to us chimed in demanding to be moved to another seat away from Elsa.
On the speaker the flight staff announced we were taking off, and everyone needed to settled down. Once we were in the air, Elsa fell asleep on the ground at my feet and slept the entire flight. It was obvious that the poor baby just was overwhelmed by everything.
Once we landed, I dressed Elsa in a cute little Africa shirt. The people behind us apologized for the rude comments others made to us, and we made sure to explain that she is just coming home for the first time and that she is just scared. Some people were really encouraging which made up for those grumpy old men.
We were finally home! The terrible travel experience was over, and we were ready to start our life with our new daughter......
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Wednesday, June 20, 2012
To Ethiopia With Love Part 2
Read Part 1 Here......
It was now 2pm Tuesday afternoon and the phone rang for us. It was Yonas. "Uh yes Dawson, this is Yonas, Sisay is downstairs waiting for you. He will bring you to my home." We knew Sisay from the previous trip. Sisay is a wonderful man; humble, caring, and a great historian of the city of Addis. Sisay was also great because he was a bit quirky and had a lot of what I call "Sisayisms." For example, every time Sisay wanted to tell me something while we were driving, he would reach across his cab and grab my leg. Then he would say “Dawson, this is where.....such and such is.” Sisay called me “Dawson” and called Kerri “Sister.” And aside from grabbing my leg every 10 seconds to tell me something, my favorite Sisayism is “with the will of God.” He said it all the time and it made me smile. There is something different about the way Sisay says it. I think it sounded different from Sisay because he truly believes it in every situation. We knew we were in good hands with Sisay.
As we neared our destination, Sisay pulled over to call Yonas. He had to find out exactly where Yonas lived and finding a home in Addis is not like finding a home in the states. In Addis, there are main streets and then everything in between are homes that are pretty much slums. In fact, I read somewhere that between 80-90% of Addis is made up of Slums. On our first trip we had seen firsthand the conditions of these slums and were left in shock. The homes were extremely small and lacked any kind of amenities. As we had accepted the invite from Yonas both Kerri and I both understood exactly where we were going. We knew that Yonas' home would be small in scale and that it would probably consist of dirt floors and perhaps no electricity. And so we were prepared for what were were going to experience. Sisay spoke with Yonas on the phone and we waited...
After a few minutes of waiting Yonas popped out into the street and jumped in the car. It was raining out and the roads were muddy. We drove down the road and took the turn into Yonas' neighborhood. After a few moments driving on some very sketchy roads filled with potholes and sludgy mud, we arrived at Yonas’ home.
When we arrived, Yonas quickly jumped out of Sisay's car and ran inside. He quickly returned with an umbrella and he escorted us in. Sisay was invited in as well but left us to our experience. When we walked in we were introduced to Yonas’ wife Esther, Yonas’ 2 year old son Kebrone, Esther’s sister (who lived with them also), and Yonas’ one month old baby (yet to be named). Having been prepared to see the living conditions I was actually pleasantly surprised at the arrangement. The home was about 12 foot by 12 foot, 144 sq ft in total. Long grasses lay over the clay floor and the walls were a blue cement color. There was a bed in one corner, two armoires in another, two chairs, a couch, a mattress on the floor, and a tv. In the middle of the small room was the display for the ceremony. A small tin filled with coals in the center of the room was for roasting coffee beans. The display was complete with a traditional meal, popcorn, and bananas.
The ceremony began with the roasting of the coffee beans over hot coals. Once the beans were roasted they were poured into a clay pot with water which was then placed back on the coals. During the ceremony Esther’s sister brought a meal of Injera (traditional Ethiopian spongy bread) and two traditional Ethiopian dishes. We hadn’t expected a full meal and having been sick the for the previous 24 hours I nervously ate what was a delicious meal. Elsa sat quietly and as usual ate Kerri and I under the table. As we ate I noticed that Esther stayed busy the whole time attending to us, Yonas, and the Kids. Esther’s sister took a special liking to Elsa and she played with her as we continued the conversation. We talked about many things but mostly just listened to Yonas talk about life and Ethiopia.
When the meal was finished, I asked if they had decided on the final name for their baby. Esther perked up very giddy and rattled off three names and their biblical meanings. Even after 3 translation attempts I still could not understand all of the meanings of the names. After Esther said the names Yonas said “now that we have heard the names we will collect them and then choose.” What Yonas was saying was that they wanted to hear what names we liked and then they would write those names down on a piece of paper and then choose a piece of paper. Kerri was first and she choose Aldana. For my turn I chose the name Cypara (see-para). Esther smiled when we said the names and she said she liked Aldana as well. Yonas then wrote the two names on a small piece of graph paper. After carefully rolling them up he put them on a plate in front of Elsa. After some encouragement Elsa grabbed one of the papers and gave it to me. Yonas said, “Dawson, you read the name.” The name was Cypara!
.JPG)
It was about that time that it hit me... I was already honored to be welcomed into their home and cooked for. It was a sacrificial kind of service that they were providing Kerri and I. It was their way of showing their gratitude for the things that we had done. I was extremely humbled that they would give us the honor of this ceremony and that they allowed us to participate in the naming of their second born. It was a moment I will remember all my life and it was a moment that captured a beautiful picture of the Ethiopia that I had come to know and love.
Ethiopia is a place that will visually shock you when see it and when you begin to understand some of the challenges that the Ethiopian people face you are left asking how will, how does, how can Ethiopia rise above the lack of resources or infrastructure to be a strong nation? The answer, “with the will of God.” While Ethiopia is poor in infrastructure and resources it has people who love their country and who have a hope that you and I don't often see. Their faith and hope that God will provide resides in their spirits and is evident in the way that they serve. Their gifts are sacrificial on a different level and what Yonas and Esther were showing us was what it was like to truly serve another person and think of them as greater than yourself. We forgot the surroundings and enjoyed our time. This was our family and it was something I will always cherish.
As we finished our 3rd round of coffee (as traditional ceremonies go) it was time to leave. Thinking it would be some time before he arrived I asked Yonas to call Sisay to take us back. To my surprise Sisay was there in a couple minutes. When I commented about how quickly he arrived he told us that he had been waiting around the corner “for our comfort.” As we said our goodbyes I handed some of our adoption bracelets out to some of the Kids who lived in the neighborhood. On them is imprinted “To Ethiopia with Love,” the title of our adoption story. We began our drive back down the bumpy road. I told Sisay that the roads must be tough on his tires to which he replied, “for you it is nothing.” Then he handed us two bags of items that he had bought for us while we were with Yonas’ family. His gestures and generosity were so kind and sincere, again my heart was warmed.
On the way home I thought to myself what a perfect culmination to our trip. Kerri and I had experienced Ethiopia in an incredible and unique way. We were so grateful! Then came something that I didn’t expect. The guilt.
I began to think about all of the wonderful parts of Ethiopia that Elsa will never know because we were taking her from her home. Not to say that I was regretful but I truly felt a loss for her that is hard to describe. Lucky for me the “Sisay Program,” as Sisay would call it, was not over. Sisay called to Kerri, “Sister, I told your husband yesterday after I took him shopping that I wanted to take him for a very special beer. He ignored me because he said that he had to get back to you and Elsa at the Hotel. Can I take you now?” Sisay had driven me and another couple just 1 day earlier to Sole Rebels retail shop (think Ethiopian Toms) and when we were on our way home he had asked but I didn’t want to be gone too long. Sisay came with a different plan this time, go straight to the boss. I looked back at Kerri after he had asked and she said “Sure!” To which I replied, "as long as there is a bathroom near."
After a short drive from our location we ended up in an area of government housing which looked kind of like the Projects in the United States but compared they were actually quite nice. At the bottom of the building was a small bar called Kiru Bar and Restaurant. We went inside with Elsa in tow and the stares came. The owner welcomed us in and sat us down. I attempted to order a draft beer to which Sisay replied, “no you want their Special Beer.” I wasn’t about to argue. While we waited for the beers I was anxious to check out the facilities just in case my stomach wouldn’t hold up anymore. Kerri handed me Elsa and said, “she needs to go too.” Sisay walked me to the back to show me where the toilets were and both doors were locked. At the time I didn’t really know why but the workers were staring at me smiling. I thought they were being polite until I entered one of the stalls. Ah yes, as if i needed one more Ethiopian experience.
Picture a porcelain bowl sunk in the ground. It was a “Squatter!” No toilet paper, just a hose with a sprayer attachment. Elsa was first! I sat her squat style over the potty staring down at the hole that still had “stuff” in it and I thought, “I’m done with this! Elsa has a pull up and I can wait.” We exited the facilities to the still staring workers and we just played it cool. Elsa and I returned to our seats as if to say, no problem. Kerri quickly asked me where the bathroom was to which I just pointed and smiled. She must have been 3 shades whiter when she came out of there and I knew just what had happened. Kerri had walked into that bathroom, saw that crazy situation and walked right out. I was laughing so hard inside but Sisay was still around so I couldn’t say anything. As soon as Sisay left for a minute though I looked at Kerri and said, “you didn’t go to the bathroom did you.” To which she promptly responded “nope!" It was just the thing I needed to ease my mind, some mindless Ethiopian potty story. It didn’t last that long though as my thoughts returned to Elsa and Ethiopia.
As we sat and talked the beers arrived and the name was in fact, “special beer.” I had to smile that Sisay was telling me to get their special beer and that turned out to be the name of the beer. We drank and talked, Elsa was busy looking at one of the ladies who was gesturing to her from another table. She was saying “conjoe” in amharic to Elsa which means pretty. Then she said some things in amharic to Sisay who replied in Amharic. Then the lady said, “God bless you.” Sisay would later tell me that she asked if we were adopting and if we had any kids of our own.
Some time passed and Sisay and I talked some more. I told Sisay that I felt guilty for taking Elsa from her country. Then Sisay asked me, “do you know what she is saying when she said God bless you? Thinking that the answer was too obvious I waited for him to proceed. “She is saying that God will bless you and your family for this wonderful thing that you have done. You know that Elsa did not have a family before and now she has a family. You brought her up from the ground.” What he meant is that before us she had nothing and now she has much more.
Sisay pointed to Kerri and Elsa who were walking in the courtyard. “You see she has a mother, and her mother will care for her and you will care for her.” It must have been the day for lessons in humility but I was again truly humbled by what that lady and what Sisay were saying. I felt a sense of warmth in my heart that what Sisay, and Yonas had taught me about hope was something that was now tangible for Elsa. And that, in a lot of respects, is the truth about adoption. With adoption great hope comes with tremendous loss. Too soon our time was over. Sisay had paid for all of the drinks and had ordered a pizza to go without us even knowing. We headed back to the hotel.
.JPG)
On the way back Sisay thanked "Sister" for letting us go out. He told her that he was proud that I had chosen to go back to her and Elsa the day before after our shopping trip. “You see Sister, that is what a real man does.” Again my heart smiled. For being a taxi driver Sisay sure had a way with words and it seemed like every one of them just struck a cord. On top of that his generosity and warm heart had left its mark on me.
Kerri and I returned to the hotel. We had a wonderful day and we just looked at each other like, “what an incredible experience.” Sisay, Yonas, Esther, Kebrone, Cypara helped us to understand what Ethiopia is all about. They will always remain in our hearts and will forever be a part of our adoption journey.
It was now 2pm Tuesday afternoon and the phone rang for us. It was Yonas. "Uh yes Dawson, this is Yonas, Sisay is downstairs waiting for you. He will bring you to my home." We knew Sisay from the previous trip. Sisay is a wonderful man; humble, caring, and a great historian of the city of Addis. Sisay was also great because he was a bit quirky and had a lot of what I call "Sisayisms." For example, every time Sisay wanted to tell me something while we were driving, he would reach across his cab and grab my leg. Then he would say “Dawson, this is where.....such and such is.” Sisay called me “Dawson” and called Kerri “Sister.” And aside from grabbing my leg every 10 seconds to tell me something, my favorite Sisayism is “with the will of God.” He said it all the time and it made me smile. There is something different about the way Sisay says it. I think it sounded different from Sisay because he truly believes it in every situation. We knew we were in good hands with Sisay.
As we neared our destination, Sisay pulled over to call Yonas. He had to find out exactly where Yonas lived and finding a home in Addis is not like finding a home in the states. In Addis, there are main streets and then everything in between are homes that are pretty much slums. In fact, I read somewhere that between 80-90% of Addis is made up of Slums. On our first trip we had seen firsthand the conditions of these slums and were left in shock. The homes were extremely small and lacked any kind of amenities. As we had accepted the invite from Yonas both Kerri and I both understood exactly where we were going. We knew that Yonas' home would be small in scale and that it would probably consist of dirt floors and perhaps no electricity. And so we were prepared for what were were going to experience. Sisay spoke with Yonas on the phone and we waited...
After a few minutes of waiting Yonas popped out into the street and jumped in the car. It was raining out and the roads were muddy. We drove down the road and took the turn into Yonas' neighborhood. After a few moments driving on some very sketchy roads filled with potholes and sludgy mud, we arrived at Yonas’ home.
When we arrived, Yonas quickly jumped out of Sisay's car and ran inside. He quickly returned with an umbrella and he escorted us in. Sisay was invited in as well but left us to our experience. When we walked in we were introduced to Yonas’ wife Esther, Yonas’ 2 year old son Kebrone, Esther’s sister (who lived with them also), and Yonas’ one month old baby (yet to be named). Having been prepared to see the living conditions I was actually pleasantly surprised at the arrangement. The home was about 12 foot by 12 foot, 144 sq ft in total. Long grasses lay over the clay floor and the walls were a blue cement color. There was a bed in one corner, two armoires in another, two chairs, a couch, a mattress on the floor, and a tv. In the middle of the small room was the display for the ceremony. A small tin filled with coals in the center of the room was for roasting coffee beans. The display was complete with a traditional meal, popcorn, and bananas.
The ceremony began with the roasting of the coffee beans over hot coals. Once the beans were roasted they were poured into a clay pot with water which was then placed back on the coals. During the ceremony Esther’s sister brought a meal of Injera (traditional Ethiopian spongy bread) and two traditional Ethiopian dishes. We hadn’t expected a full meal and having been sick the for the previous 24 hours I nervously ate what was a delicious meal. Elsa sat quietly and as usual ate Kerri and I under the table. As we ate I noticed that Esther stayed busy the whole time attending to us, Yonas, and the Kids. Esther’s sister took a special liking to Elsa and she played with her as we continued the conversation. We talked about many things but mostly just listened to Yonas talk about life and Ethiopia.
When the meal was finished, I asked if they had decided on the final name for their baby. Esther perked up very giddy and rattled off three names and their biblical meanings. Even after 3 translation attempts I still could not understand all of the meanings of the names. After Esther said the names Yonas said “now that we have heard the names we will collect them and then choose.” What Yonas was saying was that they wanted to hear what names we liked and then they would write those names down on a piece of paper and then choose a piece of paper. Kerri was first and she choose Aldana. For my turn I chose the name Cypara (see-para). Esther smiled when we said the names and she said she liked Aldana as well. Yonas then wrote the two names on a small piece of graph paper. After carefully rolling them up he put them on a plate in front of Elsa. After some encouragement Elsa grabbed one of the papers and gave it to me. Yonas said, “Dawson, you read the name.” The name was Cypara!
.JPG)
It was about that time that it hit me... I was already honored to be welcomed into their home and cooked for. It was a sacrificial kind of service that they were providing Kerri and I. It was their way of showing their gratitude for the things that we had done. I was extremely humbled that they would give us the honor of this ceremony and that they allowed us to participate in the naming of their second born. It was a moment I will remember all my life and it was a moment that captured a beautiful picture of the Ethiopia that I had come to know and love.
Ethiopia is a place that will visually shock you when see it and when you begin to understand some of the challenges that the Ethiopian people face you are left asking how will, how does, how can Ethiopia rise above the lack of resources or infrastructure to be a strong nation? The answer, “with the will of God.” While Ethiopia is poor in infrastructure and resources it has people who love their country and who have a hope that you and I don't often see. Their faith and hope that God will provide resides in their spirits and is evident in the way that they serve. Their gifts are sacrificial on a different level and what Yonas and Esther were showing us was what it was like to truly serve another person and think of them as greater than yourself. We forgot the surroundings and enjoyed our time. This was our family and it was something I will always cherish.
As we finished our 3rd round of coffee (as traditional ceremonies go) it was time to leave. Thinking it would be some time before he arrived I asked Yonas to call Sisay to take us back. To my surprise Sisay was there in a couple minutes. When I commented about how quickly he arrived he told us that he had been waiting around the corner “for our comfort.” As we said our goodbyes I handed some of our adoption bracelets out to some of the Kids who lived in the neighborhood. On them is imprinted “To Ethiopia with Love,” the title of our adoption story. We began our drive back down the bumpy road. I told Sisay that the roads must be tough on his tires to which he replied, “for you it is nothing.” Then he handed us two bags of items that he had bought for us while we were with Yonas’ family. His gestures and generosity were so kind and sincere, again my heart was warmed.
On the way home I thought to myself what a perfect culmination to our trip. Kerri and I had experienced Ethiopia in an incredible and unique way. We were so grateful! Then came something that I didn’t expect. The guilt.
I began to think about all of the wonderful parts of Ethiopia that Elsa will never know because we were taking her from her home. Not to say that I was regretful but I truly felt a loss for her that is hard to describe. Lucky for me the “Sisay Program,” as Sisay would call it, was not over. Sisay called to Kerri, “Sister, I told your husband yesterday after I took him shopping that I wanted to take him for a very special beer. He ignored me because he said that he had to get back to you and Elsa at the Hotel. Can I take you now?” Sisay had driven me and another couple just 1 day earlier to Sole Rebels retail shop (think Ethiopian Toms) and when we were on our way home he had asked but I didn’t want to be gone too long. Sisay came with a different plan this time, go straight to the boss. I looked back at Kerri after he had asked and she said “Sure!” To which I replied, "as long as there is a bathroom near."
After a short drive from our location we ended up in an area of government housing which looked kind of like the Projects in the United States but compared they were actually quite nice. At the bottom of the building was a small bar called Kiru Bar and Restaurant. We went inside with Elsa in tow and the stares came. The owner welcomed us in and sat us down. I attempted to order a draft beer to which Sisay replied, “no you want their Special Beer.” I wasn’t about to argue. While we waited for the beers I was anxious to check out the facilities just in case my stomach wouldn’t hold up anymore. Kerri handed me Elsa and said, “she needs to go too.” Sisay walked me to the back to show me where the toilets were and both doors were locked. At the time I didn’t really know why but the workers were staring at me smiling. I thought they were being polite until I entered one of the stalls. Ah yes, as if i needed one more Ethiopian experience.
Picture a porcelain bowl sunk in the ground. It was a “Squatter!” No toilet paper, just a hose with a sprayer attachment. Elsa was first! I sat her squat style over the potty staring down at the hole that still had “stuff” in it and I thought, “I’m done with this! Elsa has a pull up and I can wait.” We exited the facilities to the still staring workers and we just played it cool. Elsa and I returned to our seats as if to say, no problem. Kerri quickly asked me where the bathroom was to which I just pointed and smiled. She must have been 3 shades whiter when she came out of there and I knew just what had happened. Kerri had walked into that bathroom, saw that crazy situation and walked right out. I was laughing so hard inside but Sisay was still around so I couldn’t say anything. As soon as Sisay left for a minute though I looked at Kerri and said, “you didn’t go to the bathroom did you.” To which she promptly responded “nope!" It was just the thing I needed to ease my mind, some mindless Ethiopian potty story. It didn’t last that long though as my thoughts returned to Elsa and Ethiopia.
As we sat and talked the beers arrived and the name was in fact, “special beer.” I had to smile that Sisay was telling me to get their special beer and that turned out to be the name of the beer. We drank and talked, Elsa was busy looking at one of the ladies who was gesturing to her from another table. She was saying “conjoe” in amharic to Elsa which means pretty. Then she said some things in amharic to Sisay who replied in Amharic. Then the lady said, “God bless you.” Sisay would later tell me that she asked if we were adopting and if we had any kids of our own.
Some time passed and Sisay and I talked some more. I told Sisay that I felt guilty for taking Elsa from her country. Then Sisay asked me, “do you know what she is saying when she said God bless you? Thinking that the answer was too obvious I waited for him to proceed. “She is saying that God will bless you and your family for this wonderful thing that you have done. You know that Elsa did not have a family before and now she has a family. You brought her up from the ground.” What he meant is that before us she had nothing and now she has much more.
Sisay pointed to Kerri and Elsa who were walking in the courtyard. “You see she has a mother, and her mother will care for her and you will care for her.” It must have been the day for lessons in humility but I was again truly humbled by what that lady and what Sisay were saying. I felt a sense of warmth in my heart that what Sisay, and Yonas had taught me about hope was something that was now tangible for Elsa. And that, in a lot of respects, is the truth about adoption. With adoption great hope comes with tremendous loss. Too soon our time was over. Sisay had paid for all of the drinks and had ordered a pizza to go without us even knowing. We headed back to the hotel.
.JPG)
On the way back Sisay thanked "Sister" for letting us go out. He told her that he was proud that I had chosen to go back to her and Elsa the day before after our shopping trip. “You see Sister, that is what a real man does.” Again my heart smiled. For being a taxi driver Sisay sure had a way with words and it seemed like every one of them just struck a cord. On top of that his generosity and warm heart had left its mark on me.
Kerri and I returned to the hotel. We had a wonderful day and we just looked at each other like, “what an incredible experience.” Sisay, Yonas, Esther, Kebrone, Cypara helped us to understand what Ethiopia is all about. They will always remain in our hearts and will forever be a part of our adoption journey.
Tuesday, June 19, 2012
To Ethiopia With Love Part 1
(Written by my husband Nate)
Yesterday was an incredible day! It was a day that ran the whole gamut of feelings and emotions but it was an incredible day! It all started about 5pm on Monday night...
Kerri, Elsa and I had gone down for dinner in the hotel lobby. I had been feeling so/so all day and when we got downstairs the nausea hit me hard. I left my girls downstairs and went to the room to rest. All night long I felt terrible and when I woke up the next morning I was running a fever. I was really feeling down because it was my second to last day in Ethiopia and today was the day that we would visit Yonas’ house for a special coffee ceremony.
Yonas is one of the hotel staff who I connected with the first trip and someone who I now consider to be a friend. When I first met Yonas he was working in the hotel lobby. We started talking and about an hour later we were still talking. Yonas is one of those guys that just stands out, partially because he is a 6’6" Ethiopian who towers above everyone else, but mostly because of his story. During my time with him he shared a bit of his life and it was apparent to me that this was a guy working hard to care for his family and improve life for them.
Yonas was going to school for hotel management but was at a crossroads because he didn’t have the means to buy a computer so that he could continue his education online. He told me that he and his wife Esther had been married for 5 years and that they had a young boy (around 2 years old) called Kebrone. He also shared with me that his wife was pregnant and that another baby on the way. We shared stories back and forth during that first trip but mostly I just listened to his story.
When our first trip to Ethiopia was over, Yonas and I exchanged Facebook information. After we returned to the states I thought of Yonas and his story often and a couple of times he messaged me on Facebook to see when I would return.
After the first trip to Ethiopia I continually thought about the people and things that I saw. I thought about what a person would do to address the large scale challenges that exist in just the city of Addis. It was overwhelming to think about quite honestly. But somehow I always came back to the people that I met and I felt a sense of Hope. People like Yonas, Biniam (Ben the Barman) and Sisay (our taxi driver), and all of the workers at Hannah’s Hope (the orphanage where Elsa was). The generosity and kindness that people showed in spite of their circumstances revealed a different kind of joy that they carried in their hearts. These people are part of our story and a part that I will not forget.
When we were getting ready for our return back to Ethiopia, both Kerri and I had a lot on our minds. We were excited to get our girl and we were anxious for the plans to come together. We were continually thinking about all of the people that we had met. The plans quickly unraveled and we were getting our girl. The packing commenced! One bag for Elsa, one small bag for mommy, one small bag for daddy and... 2 big bags of stuff to take back to the people who were in our hearts.
Our friends in the states heard our stories and came through for us. One of the bags was entirely full of Nike gear (shoes, basketballs, hats) from one of my dear friends Jocelyn who works at Nike. Another bag was full of coloring books and crayons that my Mom’s high school students donated. We also took around 30 bottles of children’s Advil that Kerri’s coworker Kim and Jen had given us. And then there were shirts! It seemed like if we had a bag that wasn’t entirely full or to the weight limit, we took shirts. Out of the 4 checked bags we took, there was not one that was more than 6oz over or under the 50lb limit. We took so much stuff that the security at Bole Airport in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia stopped and questioned us about what we were doing with all of this stuff. And so we were back in Addis Ababa for the second half of our story.
When we arrived on the second trip we were warmly greeted by all of the staff who we came to know from the first trip. Ben the Barman greeted me with a “we were waiting for you,” followed by a prompt “you are getting fatter” to me. And we were back! We broke out the shirts and a special bottle of Patron that I brought over from the states and we toasted to Elsa. It was good to be in Ethiopia again! After handing out shirts and hats, and exchanging stories we were done for the night. 24 hours of travel had done us in and it was time for bed. Despite being tired, I don’t think Kerri and I slept much that night. There was too much to think about and we were excited to be back with our Ethiopian friends.
The next morning Kerri and I headed down to the hotel lobby for breakfast. When we got there we were quickly greeted by our friend Yonas. When he saw me he got a big smile on his face and said, “Dawson, I’ve been waiting for you.” He gave me a quick bro hug (you know the part handshake part hug that guys do) and we started right where we left off. I told Yonas it was good to see him and that after we got back from getting Elsa that I had a surprise for him. With that we left him, ate our breakfast and went off to get our girl.
Later in that day after some good time with Elsa I asked Yonas to come up to the room to get his surprise. Of course he got his t-shirt which he proudly wore the next couple of days, but the real surprise was yet to come. I walked him in the room and showed him a used Dell laptop that my IT department at Avamere had put together for me. When I was back in the states I shared Yonas’ story about how he was working hard to provide a better life for him and his family. I told them how he wanted to continue school but wouldn’t be able to because he had to be able to do e-learning. A laptop in the states cost about as much as Yonas would make in a year. I told Yonas, “this is yours, I brought it for you.” Not sure that he understood me completely I picked up the laptop and put it in his hands, “this is for you,” I said. Yonas is a nice guy and in my dealings with him he always had a lot to share but at this moment he was almost speechless. “Thank you Dawson,” he said over and over “Thank you very much.”
That wasn’t the end of his thanks though. Every time Kerri and I saw him the next few days he would say “thank you Dawson, thank you.” I don’t think Kerri or I opened a door the rest of the week, Yonas was there. On Sunday morning Kerri and I took Elsa down to play in the Ballroom downstairs and once again Yonas was there to open the door. Yonas looked a little bit nervous like he needed to tell us something but he didn’t. Later when we were playing, Yonas came back into the ballroom, he had to get something off his chest.
He nervously approached us and with his eyes and head looking more at the ground then us he said “you know Dawson, this thing that you did for me is very nice, and I would like very much if you and your wife and Elsa would come to my home for a coffee ceremony. You tell me what day, and I will send a driver for you to bring you to my home.”
Kerri and I looked over at each other and smiled, “we would love to, thank you so much.” Then he went on to tell us the rest of his motive. “You see my wife she have a baby 1 month ago and in Ethiopia we name the baby on the one month birthday. When you come to my home we will announce the name.” I was completely floored. Not only was he going to honor us by welcoming us to his home, but he thought so much of us that he wanted us there when he named his second child?!? Wow! We were definitely in.
Monday night was a long night and Tuesday morning was not much better. I was running a fever and my stomach was in knots. During the night time I had taken every medicine we had including children's NyQuil just to give me some relief. Kerri and Elsa woke up on Tuesday morning and went to breakfast while I rested till about 9:30am. I really wanted to feel better because today was the day that we would go to Yonas’ house. I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. I had been feeling so ill the previous 24 hours but after my morning rest the headache was gone. I ventured downstairs to find my girls. When I walked into the restaurant Ben the Barman saw me and smiled, "Dawson, how are you feeling?" I told him I was better but still had a nervous stomach to which he replied, “I have just the thing! It is very special medicine that I make for you.” Ben was another one of those guys who sticks out in my mind. Sure he was a bar tender so naturally he is good with people but he was truly one of nicest people I have ever met. I was feeling badly and he was making me special medicine, whatever that was. It wasn't too long until I learned that special medicine is not medicine rather, special medicine is a drink fashioned out of 2 squeezed limes, about a ¼ cup of honey (or as Ben would say “very special honey”) and soda water. “Here, stir very well,” he said as he gave me the 16oz pilsner glass full of his special elixir. I stirred..... and I drank.... Surprisingly it was not bad at all! And aside from tasting good within 30 minutes I was feeling better. I looked over at Kerri and gave her the nod, we were going to Yonas' house.
Read Part 2 Here....
Yesterday was an incredible day! It was a day that ran the whole gamut of feelings and emotions but it was an incredible day! It all started about 5pm on Monday night...
Kerri, Elsa and I had gone down for dinner in the hotel lobby. I had been feeling so/so all day and when we got downstairs the nausea hit me hard. I left my girls downstairs and went to the room to rest. All night long I felt terrible and when I woke up the next morning I was running a fever. I was really feeling down because it was my second to last day in Ethiopia and today was the day that we would visit Yonas’ house for a special coffee ceremony.
Yonas is one of the hotel staff who I connected with the first trip and someone who I now consider to be a friend. When I first met Yonas he was working in the hotel lobby. We started talking and about an hour later we were still talking. Yonas is one of those guys that just stands out, partially because he is a 6’6" Ethiopian who towers above everyone else, but mostly because of his story. During my time with him he shared a bit of his life and it was apparent to me that this was a guy working hard to care for his family and improve life for them.
Yonas was going to school for hotel management but was at a crossroads because he didn’t have the means to buy a computer so that he could continue his education online. He told me that he and his wife Esther had been married for 5 years and that they had a young boy (around 2 years old) called Kebrone. He also shared with me that his wife was pregnant and that another baby on the way. We shared stories back and forth during that first trip but mostly I just listened to his story.
When our first trip to Ethiopia was over, Yonas and I exchanged Facebook information. After we returned to the states I thought of Yonas and his story often and a couple of times he messaged me on Facebook to see when I would return.
After the first trip to Ethiopia I continually thought about the people and things that I saw. I thought about what a person would do to address the large scale challenges that exist in just the city of Addis. It was overwhelming to think about quite honestly. But somehow I always came back to the people that I met and I felt a sense of Hope. People like Yonas, Biniam (Ben the Barman) and Sisay (our taxi driver), and all of the workers at Hannah’s Hope (the orphanage where Elsa was). The generosity and kindness that people showed in spite of their circumstances revealed a different kind of joy that they carried in their hearts. These people are part of our story and a part that I will not forget.
When we were getting ready for our return back to Ethiopia, both Kerri and I had a lot on our minds. We were excited to get our girl and we were anxious for the plans to come together. We were continually thinking about all of the people that we had met. The plans quickly unraveled and we were getting our girl. The packing commenced! One bag for Elsa, one small bag for mommy, one small bag for daddy and... 2 big bags of stuff to take back to the people who were in our hearts.
Our friends in the states heard our stories and came through for us. One of the bags was entirely full of Nike gear (shoes, basketballs, hats) from one of my dear friends Jocelyn who works at Nike. Another bag was full of coloring books and crayons that my Mom’s high school students donated. We also took around 30 bottles of children’s Advil that Kerri’s coworker Kim and Jen had given us. And then there were shirts! It seemed like if we had a bag that wasn’t entirely full or to the weight limit, we took shirts. Out of the 4 checked bags we took, there was not one that was more than 6oz over or under the 50lb limit. We took so much stuff that the security at Bole Airport in Addis Ababa, Ethiopia stopped and questioned us about what we were doing with all of this stuff. And so we were back in Addis Ababa for the second half of our story.
When we arrived on the second trip we were warmly greeted by all of the staff who we came to know from the first trip. Ben the Barman greeted me with a “we were waiting for you,” followed by a prompt “you are getting fatter” to me. And we were back! We broke out the shirts and a special bottle of Patron that I brought over from the states and we toasted to Elsa. It was good to be in Ethiopia again! After handing out shirts and hats, and exchanging stories we were done for the night. 24 hours of travel had done us in and it was time for bed. Despite being tired, I don’t think Kerri and I slept much that night. There was too much to think about and we were excited to be back with our Ethiopian friends.
The next morning Kerri and I headed down to the hotel lobby for breakfast. When we got there we were quickly greeted by our friend Yonas. When he saw me he got a big smile on his face and said, “Dawson, I’ve been waiting for you.” He gave me a quick bro hug (you know the part handshake part hug that guys do) and we started right where we left off. I told Yonas it was good to see him and that after we got back from getting Elsa that I had a surprise for him. With that we left him, ate our breakfast and went off to get our girl.
Later in that day after some good time with Elsa I asked Yonas to come up to the room to get his surprise. Of course he got his t-shirt which he proudly wore the next couple of days, but the real surprise was yet to come. I walked him in the room and showed him a used Dell laptop that my IT department at Avamere had put together for me. When I was back in the states I shared Yonas’ story about how he was working hard to provide a better life for him and his family. I told them how he wanted to continue school but wouldn’t be able to because he had to be able to do e-learning. A laptop in the states cost about as much as Yonas would make in a year. I told Yonas, “this is yours, I brought it for you.” Not sure that he understood me completely I picked up the laptop and put it in his hands, “this is for you,” I said. Yonas is a nice guy and in my dealings with him he always had a lot to share but at this moment he was almost speechless. “Thank you Dawson,” he said over and over “Thank you very much.”
That wasn’t the end of his thanks though. Every time Kerri and I saw him the next few days he would say “thank you Dawson, thank you.” I don’t think Kerri or I opened a door the rest of the week, Yonas was there. On Sunday morning Kerri and I took Elsa down to play in the Ballroom downstairs and once again Yonas was there to open the door. Yonas looked a little bit nervous like he needed to tell us something but he didn’t. Later when we were playing, Yonas came back into the ballroom, he had to get something off his chest.
He nervously approached us and with his eyes and head looking more at the ground then us he said “you know Dawson, this thing that you did for me is very nice, and I would like very much if you and your wife and Elsa would come to my home for a coffee ceremony. You tell me what day, and I will send a driver for you to bring you to my home.”
Kerri and I looked over at each other and smiled, “we would love to, thank you so much.” Then he went on to tell us the rest of his motive. “You see my wife she have a baby 1 month ago and in Ethiopia we name the baby on the one month birthday. When you come to my home we will announce the name.” I was completely floored. Not only was he going to honor us by welcoming us to his home, but he thought so much of us that he wanted us there when he named his second child?!? Wow! We were definitely in.
Monday night was a long night and Tuesday morning was not much better. I was running a fever and my stomach was in knots. During the night time I had taken every medicine we had including children's NyQuil just to give me some relief. Kerri and Elsa woke up on Tuesday morning and went to breakfast while I rested till about 9:30am. I really wanted to feel better because today was the day that we would go to Yonas’ house. I honestly didn’t think it was going to happen. I had been feeling so ill the previous 24 hours but after my morning rest the headache was gone. I ventured downstairs to find my girls. When I walked into the restaurant Ben the Barman saw me and smiled, "Dawson, how are you feeling?" I told him I was better but still had a nervous stomach to which he replied, “I have just the thing! It is very special medicine that I make for you.” Ben was another one of those guys who sticks out in my mind. Sure he was a bar tender so naturally he is good with people but he was truly one of nicest people I have ever met. I was feeling badly and he was making me special medicine, whatever that was. It wasn't too long until I learned that special medicine is not medicine rather, special medicine is a drink fashioned out of 2 squeezed limes, about a ¼ cup of honey (or as Ben would say “very special honey”) and soda water. “Here, stir very well,” he said as he gave me the 16oz pilsner glass full of his special elixir. I stirred..... and I drank.... Surprisingly it was not bad at all! And aside from tasting good within 30 minutes I was feeling better. I looked over at Kerri and gave her the nod, we were going to Yonas' house.
Read Part 2 Here....
Monday, June 18, 2012
Embassy Appointment
This morning we woke up early in anticipation of our Embassy appointment. Nate and I really haven't been sleeping at all during the night, and last night was no exception. Elsa woke up around 5am, which is about an hour earlier than normal. So we all are feeling a little sleep deprived.
After our breakfast, we took the bumpy drive to the U.S. Embassy. Traffic was very busy and it took about an hour to get there. Elsa seemed very serious during the ride, I wondered what she must have been thinking as we drove away. Her experience in cars so far has been to go to the doctor, mainly. I asked Wass, our driver, to tell Elsa it was going to be ok. She listened intently as he spoke so I am grateful that he could help ease any of her concerns. She eventually dozed off in my arms.
Once we arrived at the Embassy, we entered a room where about 80 people were waiting. Most of them were Ethiopian. I happened to sit next to a woman with a thick North Carolina accent. She was working to help three teenage Ethiopian boys get there Student Visa's. The boys already had host families lined up in the states. What a wonderful opportunity for them.
The waiting area was very much like a DMV. For whatever reason (maybe because we are already US citizens?) we were called fairly quickly to be interviewed.
During our interview the electricity went out, ha. We were essentially asked by our interviewer to verify the information surrounding the circumstances of Elsa's relinquishment. Then we received her birth certificate, and some other important documentation. Elsa's VISA will be ready for pickup on Wednesday before we fly home.
We drove back to the hotel, ate lunch, then played all afternoon. Elsa is definitely a Daddy's girl, and she loves to have him carry her around. She had lots of giggles today and even started warming up to the hotel staff with a game of hide-and-seek.
When it was time to go upstairs and take a nap, we had a bit of a struggle. Elsa wanted to play still, and would have none of it when it came to sleeping! This is also around the first time I noticed some of her grieving coming out.....
For about half an hour she cried. She didn't want to be held by either of us, it was very sad. She cried deep long sobs, I almost lost it with her but I knew that wouldn't help. I just rubbed her back and offered what comfort I could. She eventually let me cuddle her as she fell asleep. I can't imagine how confusing and difficult all this must be for her. I wish that she didn't have to mourn and grieve at all, but I know this is part of our process all-together.
She has been asleep for well over 3 hours now. Our notes talked about what a great sleeper she is! At least someone in our family is. Here's hoping she does well on that airplane ride home Wednesday.
After our breakfast, we took the bumpy drive to the U.S. Embassy. Traffic was very busy and it took about an hour to get there. Elsa seemed very serious during the ride, I wondered what she must have been thinking as we drove away. Her experience in cars so far has been to go to the doctor, mainly. I asked Wass, our driver, to tell Elsa it was going to be ok. She listened intently as he spoke so I am grateful that he could help ease any of her concerns. She eventually dozed off in my arms.
Once we arrived at the Embassy, we entered a room where about 80 people were waiting. Most of them were Ethiopian. I happened to sit next to a woman with a thick North Carolina accent. She was working to help three teenage Ethiopian boys get there Student Visa's. The boys already had host families lined up in the states. What a wonderful opportunity for them.
The waiting area was very much like a DMV. For whatever reason (maybe because we are already US citizens?) we were called fairly quickly to be interviewed.
During our interview the electricity went out, ha. We were essentially asked by our interviewer to verify the information surrounding the circumstances of Elsa's relinquishment. Then we received her birth certificate, and some other important documentation. Elsa's VISA will be ready for pickup on Wednesday before we fly home.
We drove back to the hotel, ate lunch, then played all afternoon. Elsa is definitely a Daddy's girl, and she loves to have him carry her around. She had lots of giggles today and even started warming up to the hotel staff with a game of hide-and-seek.
When it was time to go upstairs and take a nap, we had a bit of a struggle. Elsa wanted to play still, and would have none of it when it came to sleeping! This is also around the first time I noticed some of her grieving coming out.....
For about half an hour she cried. She didn't want to be held by either of us, it was very sad. She cried deep long sobs, I almost lost it with her but I knew that wouldn't help. I just rubbed her back and offered what comfort I could. She eventually let me cuddle her as she fell asleep. I can't imagine how confusing and difficult all this must be for her. I wish that she didn't have to mourn and grieve at all, but I know this is part of our process all-together.
She has been asleep for well over 3 hours now. Our notes talked about what a great sleeper she is! At least someone in our family is. Here's hoping she does well on that airplane ride home Wednesday.
Sunday, June 17, 2012
Introducing Elsa
We are so in love with our little girl. There is some serious bonding time happening in Ethiopia right now, and I am happy to say that it is going so smoothly.
In our room, Elsa is showing her personality and having lots of fun. Whenever we venture downstairs, however, she gets a very serious look on her face and is very quiet. We are trying to limit our outings, yet we want to prepare her for being around lots of people at the airport, and airplane.
This afternoon the three of us took a long nap. It was much needed, and she seems to be a great sleeper. I have loved swaying her to sleep in my arms. I think it is something we are both enjoying.
For lunch, Elsa ate Nate and I under the table today. She had spaghetti, a veggie noodle dish, and zil zil tibs, a traditional meal of lean strips of steak and peppers with injera (spongy Ethiopian bread). We actually cut her off a little from eating, but she kept pointing at the tibs, so we kept feeding her! I have a feeling she will grow fast at home.
On that note, I was surprised that she used the potty (#2) three times! I'm sure she will love me sharing that with everyone if she reads this when she is older, ha!
It has been a special father's day here for Nate, as we shared a little Facetime with Oliver. Can't wait to get back to him! Elsa loves staring at him as we chat on the phone. She keeps pointing to it, wanting us to call Oliver again.
Please pray for Elsa's heart, as we transition into a family. Pray that she will find continued peace and security in our arms as we travel across the globe into her new life.
Saturday, June 16, 2012
We Made It
We made it back to Addis Ababa! I have never been so happy. It feels like home. We made it to The Riviera Hotel late on Friday. We celebrated with the hotel staff, who we now consider friends. It was a nice mini-reunion, and party for us all. Everyone was so welcoming of our arrival, it was really special.
After a good nights rest, we spent the morning enjoying a couple cups of coffee before heading to the orphanage for our daughter! I was feeling gitty, nervous, and so much stress from the anticipation of picking up our E. It was a mix of emotions!
I prepared myself for the worst:
What if she doesn't remember us?
Or doesn't like us?
Kicks and screams?
When we arrived, she had a couple minutes of uncertainty, but instantly warmed up. The special mothers dressed E in the cutest, colorful dress and gave her a headband to wear. She looked absolutely adorable.
She let Nate scoop her up, and she was back to fun and games riding on his shoulders. Before long, it was time for us to head back to the hotel. E was likely unsure of what was happening, but she made no fuss.
At the hotel we read books, ate lunch, and played. She loved letting me carry her in the Ergo Carrier and before long she was acting sleepy.
The three of us tried resting together, but she was having too much fun poking at our noses and laughing. I finally ended up swaying and singing to her. Before long she was fast asleep.
I wondered when the last time someone sang and rocked her was.
Every now and then she would gaze up at me, then snuggle in close and drift off to sleep.
I look forward to loving and cuddling her the rest of my life.
Yes, we have given E the gift of a family, and future. But what has E given us? She has shown us more of HIM. She will teach me daily what it means to know God's love.
I also wanted to share from Nate's perspective:
So this morning I find that my fears and anxieties about the challenges and questions that lie ahead are stilled by a peace. I find my heart in a state of rejoice and thanks this morning. Thanks that through all of the waiting, pain, and improbability, God has chosen us for one another. To think, we would have never known E had God not stirred our hearts for adoption and had she not been in her particular circumstance. Its like golfing in the wind and getting a hole in one on a par 5 except the hole is 8500 miles away and God is your Caddy. Ultimately we took the swing, but He controlled the winds and the ball went in. Undoubtedly E is our daughter and our focus will now turn to her.
God, just give us the strength to be parents to this incredible girl. You are the author of her incredible journey and we know that through You we can do all things because You give us strength. Give E strength as her life changes. Be with her as she goes through life and help her to seek comfort in You as she wrestles with the questions that she will undoubtedly have. Lord I am humbled by the blessings that You have rained on our family. Even in the most difficult times You drew us closer to You and gave us strength. You also gave us an incredible family, and friends who You have brought to our aid. They have given words to sooth our hearts, they have given of their time, resources and energy to lift up our family in payer. Lord bless each one of these people and help them to see you as the Author of this incredible story. But most of all Lord thank you for your care and concern for those who have no families, no one to care for them. There are many people in this world who need to experience Your love and the love of a family. Today there is one less and we thank You for this.
There may be some who have followed our story and whose eyes have been opened to adoption. Give them the strength to take the steps and be a family for that next little E. Help them to put their faith in You, to trust Your word. Help them find the encouragement they need to take the swing. Change their hearts and help them to change the life of just one more child. This is my prayer.
After a good nights rest, we spent the morning enjoying a couple cups of coffee before heading to the orphanage for our daughter! I was feeling gitty, nervous, and so much stress from the anticipation of picking up our E. It was a mix of emotions!
I prepared myself for the worst:
What if she doesn't remember us?
Or doesn't like us?
Kicks and screams?
When we arrived, she had a couple minutes of uncertainty, but instantly warmed up. The special mothers dressed E in the cutest, colorful dress and gave her a headband to wear. She looked absolutely adorable.
She let Nate scoop her up, and she was back to fun and games riding on his shoulders. Before long, it was time for us to head back to the hotel. E was likely unsure of what was happening, but she made no fuss.
At the hotel we read books, ate lunch, and played. She loved letting me carry her in the Ergo Carrier and before long she was acting sleepy.
The three of us tried resting together, but she was having too much fun poking at our noses and laughing. I finally ended up swaying and singing to her. Before long she was fast asleep.
I wondered when the last time someone sang and rocked her was.
Every now and then she would gaze up at me, then snuggle in close and drift off to sleep.
I look forward to loving and cuddling her the rest of my life.
Yes, we have given E the gift of a family, and future. But what has E given us? She has shown us more of HIM. She will teach me daily what it means to know God's love.
I also wanted to share from Nate's perspective:
So this morning I find that my fears and anxieties about the challenges and questions that lie ahead are stilled by a peace. I find my heart in a state of rejoice and thanks this morning. Thanks that through all of the waiting, pain, and improbability, God has chosen us for one another. To think, we would have never known E had God not stirred our hearts for adoption and had she not been in her particular circumstance. Its like golfing in the wind and getting a hole in one on a par 5 except the hole is 8500 miles away and God is your Caddy. Ultimately we took the swing, but He controlled the winds and the ball went in. Undoubtedly E is our daughter and our focus will now turn to her.
God, just give us the strength to be parents to this incredible girl. You are the author of her incredible journey and we know that through You we can do all things because You give us strength. Give E strength as her life changes. Be with her as she goes through life and help her to seek comfort in You as she wrestles with the questions that she will undoubtedly have. Lord I am humbled by the blessings that You have rained on our family. Even in the most difficult times You drew us closer to You and gave us strength. You also gave us an incredible family, and friends who You have brought to our aid. They have given words to sooth our hearts, they have given of their time, resources and energy to lift up our family in payer. Lord bless each one of these people and help them to see you as the Author of this incredible story. But most of all Lord thank you for your care and concern for those who have no families, no one to care for them. There are many people in this world who need to experience Your love and the love of a family. Today there is one less and we thank You for this.
There may be some who have followed our story and whose eyes have been opened to adoption. Give them the strength to take the steps and be a family for that next little E. Help them to put their faith in You, to trust Your word. Help them find the encouragement they need to take the swing. Change their hearts and help them to change the life of just one more child. This is my prayer.
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
A Letter to You
Dear Friends and Family-
The day we have longed for is fast approaching. We are shuffling to prepare for travel, and to bring our new daughter home. We wanted to take a minute to share with you "our plan" for transitioning into a family of four.
In a perfect world, babies would be raised by their birth moms and never have to experience the trauma of separation from them. They would be given the gift of knowing their mom's hearbeat, voice, and birth language. With adoption, this is interrupted, or lost for a variety of reasons.....and trust is broken.
Thankfully, there is a window of time where healing can take place for adopted children. In the adoption community this is referred to as "cocooning." You can think of it as "attachment ICU," (which I know my nurse and doctor friends will understand).
Cocooning will look different for every family. During our time of cocooning, we will be going above and beyond to help E attach to our family and to heal....
Soon E will be saying goodbye to the familiar surroundings she has grown accustomed to. We are very confident that she has grown attached to the caregivers at her orphanage. But, when we start parenting E, trauma will again happen in her life as she leaves another caretaker's arms. There will be grieving even from leaving the orphanage she has grown familiar with.
We want to be very sensitive to our little girl. We want to remember the realities of her transitions in life thus far:
-The first part of her life she heard one language and connected to one caregiver.
-Then, she spent one month in a state run orphanage.
-And now, she has has spent 5 months hearing an entirely new language, and bonded yet again with another (or multiple) caregivers.
Next week, she will meet her new parents (us!) and be introduced to yet another language, environment, and family. It is very important that our daughter gets to know me as Mommy, and Nate as Daddy. She needs to see us as her caregivers and establish a strong, healthy bond with us-which will enable her to establish healthy bonds in the future with other members of our family, and our friends. It will also help her to establish healthy boundaries, and solid relationships in her future.
We know you have walked alongside of us through our adoption for nearly 2 years. When we announced our joyous news, you were there with us. When our path began taking many twists, and turns, delays, and more delays, you offered your encouragement, support, prayers, and finances. We are forever grateful for each of you. We know that you, just like us, want E home to her family, and you want your chance to meet her, hold her, play with her, and love her. We know that just like us, however, you want her transition to her forever family to be as positive as it can be. E needs to learn to trust us. And we need your help in doing that.
Through careful consideration we have considered a cocooning plan for our daughter. We want to take into consideration that adoption professionals recommend cocooning for a duration of 3 months. Our plan may change as we see possible new needs arise, or if we feel she is bonding/attaching to us better than expected.
It is important to keep E's world as small as possible. We will be establishing structure, and we will be staying home a lot during this time. We hope to not ever leave her eyesight. You are welcome to text, email, and send cards. I will likely be limiting my phone conversations though, so I can devote more time with the kids.
We want her to know that she will never again have to change her environment, or loved ones. When we feel she is ready, we will gradually go out and about for short times so she doesn't feel overwhelmed. For a time, we will ask you not to hold, kiss, or hug her as she learns that we are her primary caregivers. We would love for you to talk with her, wave, blow kisses, high five. Our desire is for E to learn that we, her parents, will meet her physical and emotional needs.
We also want to share some of what we have learned. Research has shown the benefits of parenting an adopted child according to their "family age" not their biological age. This means she will be rocked, cuddled, fed and soothed much like babies are. We even plan to co-sleep for sometime. We will carry her around with us as much as she likes (and our backs will allow!). Only Nate and myself will provide food, drink, bathing, dressing, etc. All caregiving will be done by us.
We will be limiting the use of the word "no." Discipline during these toddler years will look different..."time in's with mommy" instead of "time outs." Parenting E will look a little different overall.
As you can imagine all of this will not be easy. But we are certain that our investment will be worth it! Our little E is worth all of the hard days ahead. We truly can't wait to get started!
If you want to learn more one of my fellow AGCI adoptive mama has had a series on attachment and bonding, and cocooning. Read it here, here, here, here.
Also, on how to be The Village.
Monday, June 4, 2012
You are just like Angelina!
From time to time when I'm sharing about our adoption someone will say something like....
"Ethiopia? That's where Angelina Jolie adopted her kids."
Yes, I believe that Bran-gelina adopted a child from Ethiopia.
No, this did not influence our decision to adopt from that country whatsoever.
There have been quite a few recent stories about celebrities adopting children that are from a different ethnic background than themselves, whether domestically or internationally. I have wanted to address this topic for sometime, but I found a blog post from one adoptive mom who addressed the topic of trans-racial adoption very well. Take a time to read it.
Read it Here......
Her blog is called "Rage Against the Minivan"......my kinda mom!
"Ethiopia? That's where Angelina Jolie adopted her kids."
No, this did not influence our decision to adopt from that country whatsoever.
There have been quite a few recent stories about celebrities adopting children that are from a different ethnic background than themselves, whether domestically or internationally. I have wanted to address this topic for sometime, but I found a blog post from one adoptive mom who addressed the topic of trans-racial adoption very well. Take a time to read it.
Read it Here......
Her blog is called "Rage Against the Minivan"......my kinda mom!
The Latest....
We are very close to bringing our daughter home! We have hit a new little "hiccup" if you will, but I'm not surprised. International adoption is filled with these types of things.
The issue is that our original homestudy had age parameters for a child 0-30 months. Since we found out about little E, we assume she is closer to 36 months old and we updated our file to include a child up to her age. We actually completed the update back in March, however our file was never updated by our adoption agency in our official paperwork that was sent to Ethiopia. Obviously this was an accident.
Once we were made aware of this error, we had a new social worker to our house for a homestudy. I over-nighted the homestudy addendum along with other paperwork to the government, made numerous phone calls, and contacted 2 senators.
Whew, I'm exhausted!
We are aching to bring our daughter home and this is the last hurdle we must jump through (I hope!).
Please pray that we find out later this week that we have clearance to bring our girl home. We really miss her and can't wait to have our family complete.
Yesterday at church our pastor spoke on the topic of "orphaned life." It obviously hit close to home for our family, and we are so excited to be a part of a new ministry geared towards foster/adoption/child sponsorship. I wanted to share a video that was shown during service, too.
Watch it Here....
I also want to thank everyone who has been following this 2 year journey our family has been on. We are so close to sharing the joy of E with you all so very soon!
The issue is that our original homestudy had age parameters for a child 0-30 months. Since we found out about little E, we assume she is closer to 36 months old and we updated our file to include a child up to her age. We actually completed the update back in March, however our file was never updated by our adoption agency in our official paperwork that was sent to Ethiopia. Obviously this was an accident.
Once we were made aware of this error, we had a new social worker to our house for a homestudy. I over-nighted the homestudy addendum along with other paperwork to the government, made numerous phone calls, and contacted 2 senators.
Whew, I'm exhausted!
We are aching to bring our daughter home and this is the last hurdle we must jump through (I hope!).
Please pray that we find out later this week that we have clearance to bring our girl home. We really miss her and can't wait to have our family complete.
Yesterday at church our pastor spoke on the topic of "orphaned life." It obviously hit close to home for our family, and we are so excited to be a part of a new ministry geared towards foster/adoption/child sponsorship. I wanted to share a video that was shown during service, too.
Watch it Here....
I also want to thank everyone who has been following this 2 year journey our family has been on. We are so close to sharing the joy of E with you all so very soon!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)