Break Me.

You may have noticed a lag in blog posts lately. Some of it has to do with being entrenched in paperwork (almost done with our homestudy documents), but mostly the lag in posts has been because I have had so much on my mind and heart.

I can only describe adoption as a complete faith based journey. I was not prepared for the changes and growth I am experiencing now firsthand.

My mind, my perspectives, my heart are all being radically altered throughout this process. Nate and I have become more and more conscious of the poverty, suffering, and emptiness in this world.

Before recently, I would think about all the devastation in Africa from time to time, and feel heartfelt sadness. But, I also felt somewhat hopeless, like I couldn’t do anything about it. In fact, it is so much easier to not really think about it in depth because thinking about it, I mean to REALLY consider how the majority of the world lives is uncomfortable for us. Let’s face it, it is much easier and less stressful to turn on the tv and watch an episode of House Hunters.

Some people might question why God allows for this kind of trouble and heartache and suffering that innocent children and people all over are facing. The truth of the matter is, there is an answer to all of this sadness. There is a solution for all of the poverty, illness, hunger, and hurt in this world. It starts with me. And with you.

Throughout the start of this adoption there is a song by Hillsong (untitled) that has touched me and I find myself reflecting on it often. It goes:

Heal my heart and make it clean

Open up my eyes to the things unseen

Show me how to love like you have loved me

Break my heart for what breaks yours

Everything I am for your kingdom cause

‘Break my heart for what breaks yours’ really stands out to me. It cuts me deep to really think about what breaks God’s heart. And I think what breaks His heart, and is now breaking mine means living in action. It means doing something. It means loving with reckless abandonment.

The truth of the matter is this world has enough resources to take care of every single person on this planet. How can I not feel convicted as I type these words on my king sized bed in the master suite of my house?

1 John 3:16-18: “We know what real love is because Christ gave up his life for us. And so we also ought to give up our lives for our brothers and sisters. But if anyone has enough money to live well and sees a brother or sister in need and refuses to help — how can God’s love be in that person? Dear children, let us stop just saying we love each other; let us really show it by our actions.”

My prayer continues to be for my heart to be broken for what breaks yours God. Mold me, shape me, use me.