Reflecting.....

Over the course of this year we have moved 48 spots on the waiting list. With the official December numbers of: 40 girl, 29 boy, and 11 siblings, I'm REALLY hopeful that 2012 is the year we become a family of four....or dare I say five?

Reflecting back on 2011, I see how my entire perspective about adoption has changed. I think back to this (ok, somewhat naive and cliche post) that I wrote. Luckily, the response to it was an outpouring of support from so many people. It was so comforting and touching.

Even with the overwhelming encouragement from others, I did receive a bit of backlash.....one person in particular, a stranger, wrote to me expressing her deep concern that I "really didn't want to adopt."

And she was right. I really didn't want to adopt.

You see, it was never a secret that I wanted a biological child. Yet as time went on trying to become pregnant again, something in me changed.

I found my heart breaking for orphans. It physically kept me up at night. It was always on my mind, and I HURT for them every day.

I was simply brokenhearted and devastated over the number of children that needed a family.

I always joke that maybe the fertility drugs I was on made me a little crazy emotional, but I know now it was just God working on me.

I really didn't want to adopt because it was too expensive, too long, too hard, too scary, there were too many unknowns, I questioned whether I could love the child the same way, and adoption seemed so not the next natural step.....I've heard it all, and I've felt it all.

In the end adoption became a calling in my life.

Even with all of these fears and uncertainties I am so glad that adoption is the path we are on! God's plan for our family is better than my plan. This year has been about dropping my plans, expectations, and wants and its been about more of Jesus.

Let me tell ya that more Jesus means: more blessings and growth in my life....even when His plan looks different than mine did.

Have there been times I've thought everyone should adopt? Yes. My passion and desire for orphans is real. But....

Do I still feel that way? No.

Why? Because the wait is hard. Adoption is not always pretty. It is not for the weak and faint at heart. It is born of loss, tragedy, pain, and is the result of an imperfect and broken world.

Adoption is not for everyone.

As much as I envision our family of three with a newly adopted brown skinned baby laughing and twirling in the Oregon rain, skipping and holding hands as a family of four....I know that is not reality.

Adoption is a calling. A really hard one.

A calling that I know will require a lot of strength, endurance, more heartbreak and tears.....but most of all, more relying and trusting in Him.

For anyone who longs to adopt, and feels that deep ache, hurt, and those familiar sleepless nights....I'm here for you.

Those of you who don't feel that calling, I'm here for you too! And I know that adoption is not for us all.


This post encouraged me. Wishing you all a fantastic New Year.